Potty mouth

It really is, you know...alright. To tell me to stop thinking too much, is like telling me not to breathe. Breathing is good for me. Obsessive thoughts? Not so much.

I am in such a good place right now. It's kinda scary, but I'm not overthinking it (see what I did there.) Oh, don't get me wrong, things have gone shitty now and then. The difference is I'm learning to not stand in the pile of shit and contemplate why it stinks so bad. I am finding myself reaching for the hose faster to clean that shit off.

Trusting the whispers of God, which comes to me in my gut, is helping me to step over the shit more often instead of landing smack dead in the middle of proverbial pile.

All I mean by this poop talk is, there will always be shit storms. That is life. Loving myself no matter how smelly I get is really the point.

Go forth and love the shit out of yourself!

Pat on the back

"This is the most annoying song in the world, song in the world, song in the world. This is the most annoying song in the world, and this is how it goes. This is the most annoying song in the world, song in the world, song in the world. This is the most annoying song in the world, and this is how it goes. This is the most annoying song in the world...."

The more rampant the out of control thoughts I have, the more they start to sound like that annoying song. They play over and over and over and over...(are you annoyed yet?)

I had myself so worked up today (well, by the time this is posted it will be tomorrow.) I let someone's talk interrupt my peace. I let those words doubt my abilities and thought process. What the fuck?!? You'd think I'd be over that shit already. I may not ever get over it per se, but I can recognize the uneasy feelings in my gut quicker. I sought consul from two women who would understand the plight I was in, and even though their thoughts differed, I was able to glean some sanity that set well with my soul. Yay, me!!

Life is a journey, not a destination. My journey is on a smoother path than it has been in a long time. I was reminded today (now yesterday) that life's paths will always have rocks, potholes, and fallen branches, but that does not mean it is the end of the road.

Here's to bulldozing the debris!

I take a licking, and keep on ticking

I wish I had something brilliant to say. Alas, brilliance escapes me (right now). 

I am continuing to be amazed at the positive response to my artwork. Well, not my artwork per se, but the fact that people are buying it! I took a painting to a shop yesterday to hang, and before I was there 15 minutes, a man walked in and bought it!!!! I KNOW RIGHT! Happy dance!!

My thinking continues to want to follow old patterns.  Normal, I know. We do what feels comfortable. Until it feels uncomfortable and we remember this doesn't work for us anymore. My old thinking wants to tell me that when I start doing the right things I won't feel bad anymore. OK, I might of lost you there. Last post I told you that I had been struggling with headaches. It has always been a struggle to know if the headaches come from mental health issues, or my mental health issues come after the headaches. Oh...my aching head.

Suffice it to say, I am doing mentally well, but the headaches are still coming. I'm practicing keeping on keeping on. I'm reminding myself that a bad day doesn't not mean a bad life. I am learning to listen to my body and be nice to it. Different from yelling at myself "what's the matter with you!" I have the ability to knock myself down and out very quickly. I am managing to stand up to that bully and tell her to leave me the fuck alone. Ahhhh...the use of 4 letter words to release stress never lets me down.

I'm going to painting up a storm this week to have pictures to hang during an event in Wilton Manors next weekend. Comment if you are in the Fort Lauderdale area and would like any info!

Last, but not least, I do have a doctor's appointment this week to get to the bottom of these headaches. Wish me well!

Walk away from the gavel

Every day I wonder what kind of day it's going to be. Now that I have been having so many good days in a row, I feel like I'm starting to look over my "proverbial shoulder" for the bad day. I know how that sounds. Bad. But here I go judging every thought I have. Again. Am I thinking the right thought...the wrong thing. Geez, Louise.

Here comes the judge. Judge not lest ye be judged. Woman! Will you put the damn gavel down????

I have wanted to blog days earlier, but I have not felt well since Saturday. Headaches. Lots of 'em. Five days later, and I'm still having them. Real tired, too. It's been hard to do anything. This is usually when things start to go south for me mentally. Which comes first? Physical health or mental health. Who knows. Ask the chicken and the egg.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. 

What will I do different? I will rest. I will tell myself it's OK to take a break. Lots of them. I will feel grateful that I can take time to take time instead of guilty. Are you thinking "why does she feel guilty?" Or are you thinking "oh, I know what she means!" When I am not thinking I am worth it (in any way), I feel guilty over just about anything. For those of you identifying with the guilt, let me be an encouragement. I am worth it. You are worth it. We are worth it. 

Care for yourself as you would care for another. Would you give your best friend messages of guilt and shame? I know I wouldn't. Life is not a straight easy line. No, duh, you say?! I don't always remember this on consistent basis, but I'm not judging.

I will continue to stay vigilant over my obsessive thinking. That's a nice way say I will be obsessive over my obsessive thinking. Two negatives make a positive, right?