The battle I fight everyday is real. Twenty years ago I had reached a point where the suffering was so great that I felt it would be a relief to die. Anxiety, depression, and bipolar 2. Skip to the last few years and add meniere's, bruxism, sleep apnea, fibromyalgia, dry eyes, arthritis...you get the idea. Geez! Let's not dwell on such things. I tell you these things, not because I want pity (absolutely not!), but because you never know what someone is struggling with. There are many people out there facing much worse and it helps me to put things into perspective. To see and hear of people overcoming adversities gives me hope. They encourage me.
I had a choice to make. I chose life. To have courage. To fight. To be fucking brave.
There is something wonderful happening this year. It hasn't been instantaneous, but a continuous forward moving work in progress. I have persevered through many trials, and asked God to give me the same faith during the bad times that I have in the good times.
I have always felt called to be a full-time artist, but fear(s) left me unable to live into that dream the way I felt I could. The stress of living outside of how I am wired was giving me such anxiety that I thought I was having a heart attack a couple of times. I quit my job that I was afraid to leave because of missing certain aspects and financial concerns. It was a good job, mind you. Just not one God had
in mind for me anymore. For the first time ever, I feel like I can actually do this artist thing. I am not afraid (too much). My mood is (relatively) stable. I have energy and focus (my kids are older). I am motivated and the most important, I believe in myself. I am having more and more victories!
I know God has good plans for me, and I am ready to walk in those steps. God saved this queen!
No comments:
Post a Comment