Using four letter words as a stress reliever (Rated R for language)

Kids. A blessing. The hardest job you'll ever love. Remember my post about surrender? If not, you can read it here. If you are going to survive their growing up, and keep your sanity, this surrendering is not optional .I'm really having to practice this on a daily basis. 

My husband and I are doing the best we can. Kids do not come with a how-to-manual. Even if they did, it would not be a one size fits all. There is a lot of debate about nurture vs. nature. You can provide a safe, nurturing environment. You can be a nuclear family, but the way they are wired is the way they are wired. I believe if someone wants to change their behavior, using cognitive behavioral therapy, you can. It's not a magic wand and will take alifetime commitment. I do know what I'm talking about.

What do you do if someone does not want to acknowledge unhealthy thinking and/or actions. This is where the surrendering comes in handy. Also, a good support system. Parents should not feel isolated when things are tough. I'm thankful for my husband, circle of friends, and my therapist. 

Don't leave your children alone, even if they slam doors in your face and yell "leave me alone!" They don't really mean it, no matter what they say. It's really easy for me to become overwhelmed with how to best love my kids. Being consistent and providing a safe haven from their storms is probably the best you can do. 

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, because there is no such thing as a perfect child.

Pray for me. I'm praying for you.

Let go, let God

I heard from a friend this past week. Her daughter is being held by the Navy until she is well enough to be discharged (there is more to this story, but it's necessary to share). She is sick and scared. She has had everything stolen from her. She can not call home. She still has to stand guard during her shifts even though she has a fever, nosebleeds, hair falling out, dehydrated....This is an outrage beyond outrage. My friend is so beside herself that she is standing on the other side. The feelings of being so hopeless, so powerless. Please pray, she said. So that is what I've been doing.

Let go, let God.

Surrender-verb:

: to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed

: to give the control or use of (something) to someone else

I know of this surrender of which I speak. Getting to that place is not easy and is scary. I think if I just try harder (what ever that looks like), I can control what is happening. Society tells us we that if we work hard, we get what we want. We can make good things happen.  Don't get me wrong, we do have to participate in life to move forward. But. there is a relationship that we need to surrender to. Our relationship with God. Surrender takes faith in a power greater that ourselves; our creator. I think most would agree that faith is easy in the good times. My prayer has always been, God may I have the same faith in the storms as in the sunshine. It's easy to blame God when the shit goes down. The truth I understand is God wants good for me. We live in a fallen, cruel world. God is with me in the crap. In order for me to surrender, I must trust God will use any thing for good. In a lot of ways, this is a VERY HARD concept to wrap my head around. We could discuss til it the cows come home. I will just share the biggest storm of my life and how I surrendered and how God is using it.

On September 11, 2008, after being sick for 4 days, my oldest son told me had swallowed a handful of 650 mg of Tylenol. He had OD. By the time we rushed him to the emergency room he was throwing up blood. Acetaminophen poisoning is best treated within 8-12 hours. We were at 96. The doctors treated him with the available medicine. They told me all we could do is wait. As we waited, his liver enzymes continued to drop. The doctor said it would probably go one of two ways. Liver transplant or death. I stayed with him in ICU non-stop. The doctors where doing everything they could. There was nothing to do but wait. I gave my son to God. I prayed white light around his liver. I pictured him on an alter surrounded by white light. I told God I trusted him with my son. I told Him whatever happened, whether he needed a liver transplant, he died, or he fully recovered, I trusted that God would use this storm to glorify His love for us. That...that was true surrender, and I felt complete peace. On day 3 1/2 his enzymes stopped dropping. Day 4 1/2 they started the slow climb back up. My son had a full recovery with no damage to his liver. God has used this storm to strengthen my son and his faith. He is a godly man, that continues to trust God's leading in his life. God taught me that, no matter what, He will never leave me. Yes, this story ends with life, but I trust my stories to end with life. Maybe, not the way I would want it, but the way God will best use it to glorify His love.

I'd like to say it is easier for me to surrender now, but the truth is as soon as my son came home from the hospital, I was a wreck. To me he was safe in the hospital, but now he was back in the cruel world. I had to keep practicing surrender...over and over and over. It is a daily practice. One I don't always get right, but I know is not impossible. With God, all things are possible.

I have been through the 12 Steps three times. Most people think these are just for alcoholics and addicts. We all need to admit we are powerless in order to truly surrender. I've listed the first 3 steps from Celebrate Recovery, a Christ centered recovery program. These take work, but it is worth it.

I am always willing to share my recovery story. Peace be with you.

Celebrate Recovery 12 Steps and Biblical Comparisons 

 

1 We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.Romans 7:18 

 

2 We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.Philippians 2:13 

 

3 We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.Romans 12:1 

What the duck?

Have you seen this before?  This was my day.  Damn it!  Try as I might the effers just did their own thing.  My ducks happen to come in the form of teenagers.  One is off in college almost 500 miles away, and got a concussionn. In the midst of life happening all around me, I was consumed (like all moms) by trying to care for him.  It all worked out and he is fine.  The other two also have my heart and devotion.  I bleed for them when shit happens.  

My life did get somewhat better when I gave my kids to God to care for.  He is way better at it than me, and that kind of surrender is good for my soul.

I am still screwed up with my sleep, but I am determined that this will not spiral my mental stability out of control.  I just want to be normal.

Don't get me wrong,  I love my ducklings.  I would give my life for them, but the time is coming when their waddling off is out of my control. OK. You do see the irony in that last sentence.  Having my kids is the best and hardest thing I've ever done, and no matter how much I bitch and complain,  I would do it over again.  Probably.  Most likely.

So, do you think you're normal?  I'd like to know what makes you think that.