Just keep swimming

I have used these instructions of how to escape a rip current, as an analogy, many times, to describe how to get out of an emotional storm (current):

Keep calm. …

To get out of the (emotional storm) rip current, (go about your day alongside your emotions-not in) swim sideways (not into), parallel to (what you know to be true) the beach.

When out of the (emotional storm) rip current, swim at an angle (angle suggests a gradual return) away from the (storm) current and toward (your solid footing) shore.

If you can't escape this way, try to float or calmly tread water (and call for help).

If you fight a rip current, you will most likely drown. Not too many are strong enough to thwart that force.

Emotional storms can be pretty damn strong. It is not always easy to navigate this type of current either. 

I can spend so much energy judging every thought, feeling and emotion that I feel like I am going to drown.

I can remind myself that this too shall pass. Thoughts, feelings, and emotions change all the time. The more I fight with myself and analyze why I’m thinking, or feeling A,B, or C, the more exhausted my thought process becomes.

When the waves of overwhelming emotions start to drag me out to sea…

Keep calm…

walk alongside my emotions until there is a break, then

head back to my steady shore of truth.

But, if for some reason that does not work,

live life as best you can, and call for help. 

Never, never, never stop treading water.

I have missed writing. I hate (ok, well, not hate, exactly) that I seem to need to feel kinda shitty to do this. Things are not too shitty, so I'm glad I haven't waited until I'm knee deep to share!!

I take a licking, and keep on ticking

I wish I had something brilliant to say. Alas, brilliance escapes me (right now). 

I am continuing to be amazed at the positive response to my artwork. Well, not my artwork per se, but the fact that people are buying it! I took a painting to a shop yesterday to hang, and before I was there 15 minutes, a man walked in and bought it!!!! I KNOW RIGHT! Happy dance!!

My thinking continues to want to follow old patterns.  Normal, I know. We do what feels comfortable. Until it feels uncomfortable and we remember this doesn't work for us anymore. My old thinking wants to tell me that when I start doing the right things I won't feel bad anymore. OK, I might of lost you there. Last post I told you that I had been struggling with headaches. It has always been a struggle to know if the headaches come from mental health issues, or my mental health issues come after the headaches. Oh...my aching head.

Suffice it to say, I am doing mentally well, but the headaches are still coming. I'm practicing keeping on keeping on. I'm reminding myself that a bad day doesn't not mean a bad life. I am learning to listen to my body and be nice to it. Different from yelling at myself "what's the matter with you!" I have the ability to knock myself down and out very quickly. I am managing to stand up to that bully and tell her to leave me the fuck alone. Ahhhh...the use of 4 letter words to release stress never lets me down.

I'm going to painting up a storm this week to have pictures to hang during an event in Wilton Manors next weekend. Comment if you are in the Fort Lauderdale area and would like any info!

Last, but not least, I do have a doctor's appointment this week to get to the bottom of these headaches. Wish me well!

Walk away from the gavel

Every day I wonder what kind of day it's going to be. Now that I have been having so many good days in a row, I feel like I'm starting to look over my "proverbial shoulder" for the bad day. I know how that sounds. Bad. But here I go judging every thought I have. Again. Am I thinking the right thought...the wrong thing. Geez, Louise.

Here comes the judge. Judge not lest ye be judged. Woman! Will you put the damn gavel down????

I have wanted to blog days earlier, but I have not felt well since Saturday. Headaches. Lots of 'em. Five days later, and I'm still having them. Real tired, too. It's been hard to do anything. This is usually when things start to go south for me mentally. Which comes first? Physical health or mental health. Who knows. Ask the chicken and the egg.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. 

What will I do different? I will rest. I will tell myself it's OK to take a break. Lots of them. I will feel grateful that I can take time to take time instead of guilty. Are you thinking "why does she feel guilty?" Or are you thinking "oh, I know what she means!" When I am not thinking I am worth it (in any way), I feel guilty over just about anything. For those of you identifying with the guilt, let me be an encouragement. I am worth it. You are worth it. We are worth it. 

Care for yourself as you would care for another. Would you give your best friend messages of guilt and shame? I know I wouldn't. Life is not a straight easy line. No, duh, you say?! I don't always remember this on consistent basis, but I'm not judging.

I will continue to stay vigilant over my obsessive thinking. That's a nice way say I will be obsessive over my obsessive thinking. Two negatives make a positive, right?

Who's driving your bus?

Well, hell. I am moving forward in a positive direction. The old stinkin' thinkin' just keeps trying to creep in and give me doubts, tell me I'm not good enough. Well, critical self, get the heck out of the driver's seat. Your license has been revoked.

I painted a picture and before it was exhibited, it sold. I made some cute birds out of broken jewelry and mounted them on canvas. I posted them for sale tonight and already sold two. The confirmation of my decision is evident.

My mood has shifted for the good since mid March. I am so so happy that I finally have energy and the drive to create and I'm not letting anything stop me. It has been a long year of struggling with depression and anxiety...the longest in a long time. What I'm getting at is the down has always come back. I'm already dreading it. Now tell me that isn't a joy killer. Regret over the past and fear of the future, leaves no room for the now. I choose to be in the now. To enjoy and be grateful for the tremendous lift in my mood. You will help keep me accountable since I've chosen to journal into cyberspace.

So, hey, hey, you, you, get outta my bus! There's a new attitude in town.  Hell, yeah!

Keep calm

I spent last weekend in Orlando for my daughter's last club volleyball tournament.  We left Thursday afternoon and got home Sunday early evening.  I love watching her play volleyball, but I have to say this activity is one I'm glad to take off my plate.  *sighing with relief*  Cutting down my schedule is getting better and better.

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."  -Maya Angelou

Yay, me!  I listened to myself and rested today.  Good job, Heather.  Taking care of myself is a moment by moment practice.  Mark 12:31  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  "AS" definition; to the same degree, amount, or extent; similarly; equally.  Not more than.  Not less than.  Love yourself so you can fully love others.

What will you do differently to be able love yourself?

I'm worth it

I was told today that it is OK if I don't blog everyday.  Actually, two times a week is good.  Thank you, friend.  See I'm doing it again.  Taking things to the n'th degree.  With this advise, I remembered what I told myself just a few days ago. Take what I think I can do and cut it in half.  Schedule times of rejuvenation, so I can be the best me I can.

Remember to take of yourself.  We'll remind each other.  We're worth it!

No time like the present

Stress is a bitch. Just ask my blood pressure. I even had to drag my ass to the doctor not once, but twice because I thought I was having a heart attack.

Don't wait until later. If you want to go on a kayak, do it. I have been told that I need to slow down. Take care of yourself. Care for yourself. Sounds good, I know, but not something I do very well. Until that picture.  I followed Nike's advice and just did it. How freeing! What a gift I gave myself. Give it to yourself.

This is not a suggestion. This is an order!